Women are all sugar and no spice: why we fear anger

Women are often fearful to feel anger in the first place - the fear to feel our feelings, speak our thoughts and hurt others with them. Personally I believe you can think or feel whatever you want. Obviously, it's the action we take that is the most important thing. Some actions are wrong, immoral or just plain illegal.

Why don't women feel comfortable with anger?

1. Society has conditioned us to be all sugar and no spice.

2. As mothers, caregivers or partners we are meant to be naturally maternal and innately desire caring for others over anything else in life.

3.We are not meant to have ill feelings or thoughts about our life. We should just be grateful that someone puts up with us.

4. We chose this. Particularly motherhood. In one way or another, whatever your situation is, you chose it. Therefore we can't complain.

5. We aren't allowed to both love and hate the job of mothering. It must be absolute, it's all or nothing - you must 'love every moment.' No. Just no. And also, absolute thinking is a recognised and well researched unhelpful thinking style.

6. If we stand up for ourselves, express our needs and wants or put healthy boundaries in place then we are being difficult and nagging.

7. We bargain and negotiate with ourselves. "But they earn the money/more money,"

"I can't ask to go out on the weekend without the kids, they've been working all week."

So have you mum. In fact, you've probably been working the equivalent of 2.5 full time jobs according to the research.

Life is about love and work and the two can and should, be separated out sometimes - no matter whether you have children or not, it's okay to feel both things about whatever it is you are doing. We don't need to subscribe to the idea that we must be happy or sad, grateful or ungrateful. Humans aren't absolute.- we can be grateful and pissed off at the same time.

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